A Note on Today

It's been quite hard for the past 3 days. 

I sent my family back to the airport on Tuesday after their 12 days visit. It was a teary farewell, I normally can hold my tears but not this time. 

Then I went for interview, I knew it didn't went really well. I did not prepare well. 

Wednesday I woke up with headache so I spent the day to basically try to eliminate the headache, by sleeping, drinking lots of water, took panadols. 

Today, I woke up with new spirit, thinking that I have basically wasted one whole day yesterday. Morning was fine, I ticked some from my to-do-list: vacuuming and tidy up the apartment, sort and throw the rubbish, clean the vacuum cleaner, check mailbox. Then it started, I got a phone call saying that I failed the interview on Tuesday. Then when I called another agent he told me that the job market is quiet at the moment. Then I took shower as I was planning to go out to do groceries. The hot water wouldn't stop running, I was panicking in the shower. The tap couldn't be closed. I ran to my room to close the hot water main valve. At that point I was basically torn. Apart from family, stress out from trying to find a job, being told that I didn't get the job, and now the tap was broken, more expenses for me!

Trying to collect myself, I told myself at least I knew where the hot water valve so the water stopped flowing. I called plumber, pick a random one from the internet. I knew it's going to be expensive. I only prayed that the plumber won't be trying to manipulate me (since I knew nothing about this stuff!).

Plumber came, both taps were replaced. I asked him to plug in the bidet as well. The bill came out, it's just as he predicted. For me, yes it's an expensive one but what could I do? It needs to be fixed sooner or later. Sooner is better as I don't want to get thousand dollars hot water bill! 

After paying the bill I contacted my Aunt. Just before she left on Tuesday she gave me money as a gift. She is basically like a mother to me and she considers me as one of her daughters too. I said to her, "God is good, the money you gave just enough to cover the cost of fixing the taps!." 

Her answer is what I learn today: "haha...pas ya Ella.. emang Tuhan yang memberi ya." (haha...the money is enough to pay the cost... it is God who provides.)

Today I learn and am reminded. God knows everything and He takes care of us. He provides us before we even know that we need it. Be grateful, persevere and believe. 

PS: Just as I was going to start writing this post, another agent called me, there's a role coming up and he'd like to know whether I am interested. The salary is below what I'm looking, the company is not as big as I want, but I need a job badly and the description of the role seems quite challenging. So I asked him to pass my resume to the company. I don't know what will come out as the result. We'll wait and see. I believe if it's been prepared for me then I'll get it, if not there's a better one coming. For now, and always, be grateful, persevere, and believe. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day! 

Life With No Formal Job

Hello! So... it's been almost two months since I started life with no formal job. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in May'15. My last day was 15th of May 2015. The company fell under administration. Unfortunately the company was not sold as a group, only bit and pieces. Hence all employees were made redundant. It's actually quite sad as I got along well with the colleagues. We were crazy bunch of people, we had fun at work while getting out job done. 

However we can't only look at the negative sides, can we? So, in a way of trying to cheer myself, I gather some positive thoughts:

1. It's time to move on - I've spent my last 5 years working in the same company. So maybe it's time to start new adventure.

2. I got a redundancy package - so though it's basic, the package helps to cover my expenses in the transition period. I'm of course looking for a new job but I know overall the market is not in good condition hence it might take some time to get a new job. 

3. I got to have one month break - I needed it anyway to clear my mind. Back on the 19th of May I flew home, spent around four weeks with my lovely one, played a tourist in Jakarta, and had bit of adventures in Central Java and Sumba.

4. In this cold winter time, I'm grateful I could stay in bed inside blanket the whole day if I want hahaha

I am still looking for a job of course. And in the meantime, other than having "training" to become a housewife a.k.a cooking, cleaning, this is how I fill my time:

- I recently joined the library. I sort of regret I only joined this year. They have plenty book and DVDs collections!!! I FINALLY watched the Hunger Games and Catching Fire! I still prefer the books of course.

- I took free online course from: https://www.open2study.com/courses. I  am currently taking: Early Childhood Education course, it's quite interesting course. Maybe last time I should be more stubborn and took Education as my degree. I did think to become kindergarten teacher but my parents were against it. Oh well, they say learning is life long journey, isn't it?

- I started reading books again, so far I have read Marie Kondo's The magic of tidying up (yes I manage to tidy up my wardrobe) and Maya Angelou's Letter to my Daughters. I would recommend both books! They are very inspirational.  

- I've been spending some afternoons in the library and it has become my sanctuary. I feel safe and comfortable and productive there. Maybe seeing people studying or writing there somehow motivates me to be more productive. As a result, I create a new blog about life at our home in Indo. That was a really random afternoon! haha

Honestly I start feeling bored being with no formal job, but what can I do hey. Well, please pray for me so I can start a new job soon! 

xx   

Maundy Thursday: The Night of Agony

He knew that he was going to die tomorrow. He knew that he was going to be prosecuted. He knew he was going to suffer. He knew he was going to be betrayed by someone closed to Him.

He was in pain. He was in great pain. Even before He was crowned, before He was whipped, before He carried the heavy cross. He was in pain, in tears, in agony. 

He, the son of God, is human too. He has feelings too. He was afraid too.

But His love, to His Father, to all human in the world is greater than His pain.

It's the only way. He knew this. His love, His perseverance, His humble heart allowed Him to keep going with His mission in this world.

It's hard to swallow your pride. To just be silent in order to allow peace (yes sometimes it's better not to argue and let it go). To acknowledge that you can't do it with your own strength. To kneel down and serve people who you probably look down.

But we have to learn. It's not easy, no one says it's easy. But life is never ending learning process anyway.

Postcard: Port Arthur, Tasmania

July 2013

Maybe it's time

I spend my nights, shedding my tears

Not that I like, I'm just crying out my fears

I know I should not be worry

I know you will always love me

But we are heading different ways

trying to open different doors

And I'm starting to loose my head

while in my heart,I've long been gone

Oh baby, maybe it's the time

It's time to set me free

You'll see me fly

just give me a try

I'll set my wings and learn to fly

Dreamy reality

Postcard: Melbourne 2012

2012

Hello!

Without I realize it, we've reached the end of 2012. I still remember that at first I thought that this year would be a long one since I didn't really have any plan except the Indo trip in Sep'12 for my friends' wedding. But now, looking back what I've been through this year, it's been quite interesting year:

January: back from Indo with acute homesick. Bathroom was renovated, tasting the life of suburbians.

February: First time visiting Chaddy after 1.5 years in Melbourne.

March: Turning to 27! Eva was going back for good. Lovely visit from Wawa (finally!). First time watching Moonlight Cinema. Melbourne Flower Festival.

April: Meeting up Nike in Melbourne! Meeting up the triple W (Wilson,Widya, Westin).

May: lovely visit from Dita and Acing. First time visiting Macedon Ranges. Finally bought myself a new laptop!

June: lovely visit from Anes & Tius.

July: lovely visit from my parents, Kotos & Tajie. First time visiting Great Ocean Road & Eureka Tower. Melbourne Open House.

August: Winter night market. Learn how to use Lightroom.

September: Indo trip for Dita's wedding.

October: Surabaya! Back to Melbourne but left my heart in Indo. TeKheng is in the house! Maroon 5 Concert.

November: Tasmania (oh how I love Hobart & MONA). Coldplay concert. Colour Run.

December: trip to Sydney for Irene's wedding (had a wonderful time there). Lala's wedding. The Idea of North Christmas concert. First time cherry & strawberry picking. Anna's wedding that unfortunately I can't attend. Christmas dinner. First time Christmas by myself in Melbourne. Venus bay: first time visiting there & christmas by the beach. 

I can only say that I've been blessed and I am grateful for everything that I've been through this year. And in 2.5 hours, let us welcome the new year with open heart and a big smile. Thanks 2012. Hello 2013!

New year, new adventure, new hope, new blessings.

Cheers, 

Ella

Celoteh 10: days of our life

These pas few weeks have been a rollercoaster ride for me. But then again, that's life. Enough said, yes that's life.

In these past 3 days, somehow, I learn lots of things. They are not new things. I've been reminded of lots of simple things. 

I'm currently down at work as I have to fix a problem.  A problem that I created myself. On how I could do that, I don't know. I really don't know. Now that I'm looking at the situation, I even wonder myself, why I decided those things. But what matters most now is how to fix it. Then I learn to be more patient. Compose myself. Re-organize things. And focus more on how to fix it. I'm on my way there.

I'm so grateful that I have friends and family surrounding me. Even though my sister is currently in Indo and living by myself can be so lonely, I'm grateful that God always have His way to cheer me up. Through friends and family and music. I'm grateful for the technology hence I can communicate with my family easily. I'm grateful for my friends, we look after each other. Being away from family, your friends here become your family. And I almost forgot how much joy I can get from music. Singing & dancing, not that I'm a pro of any of them. Enough to entertain myself :p

And most of all, I learn again to give thanks for everything. Start and close my day with giving thanks. Last night I gave thanks for God's protection throughout my Saturday. That I can arrive home safely after watching the concert. For the opportunity to watch The Idea of North's concert and reminded on how beautiful it is having music in my life. For a friend of my sis who had accompanied me all day yesterday. For the opportunity to go to the church and being reminded again of giving thanks. For all meals that I had yesterday. And if I want to keep listing it, this post will have no end haha

And this morning I'm grateful that I've been given one more day to hopefully be a better person. I'm grateful that this day has come for my beautiful friends, Melie & Geta, to be united for life. Yes they are getting married today : ))  May God bless their  wedding day and their marriage life. And hope they can cherish every moments despite of all turbulences that they face (I know they can). Congratulations my dear friends! I'm grateful for our friendships. 

Celoteh 9: Hey Mr. Taxi!

Yes, saya kembali berceloteh. Jadi begini, sejak tinggal di Melbourne saya tuh jarang banget naik taxi. Palingan cuma kalau or dari airport soalnya seperti biasa bawaan saya selalu banyak dan ribet.

Tapi almost always pas naik taxi, ada aja obrolan or pengalaman yg menarik sama tuh Mr. Taxi.

Ada beberapa yang akan saya ceritakan di sini. Ready?

Yang pertama, saya mulai yang dari paling recent. Waktu itu saya lembur sampai around 7:30PM. Saya udah terlanjur janji sama colleague saya untuk pulang naik taxi. Padahal biasanya saya jalan kaki or kalau abis lembur ya naik tram. Tapi colleague saya yang satu ini memang care sama saya, and dia yang parno kalo saya pulang malam. Dia sampe blg, "Marcella, please please please, do me a favour, get a cab!" hahaha Ya uda deh, saya janji and berusaha menepati daripada kualat. And  so datanglah taxi-nya. As usual tentunya ditanya mau pergi ke mana. Then dia tanya, apa pekerjaan saya. Saya bilang assistant accountant. Then dia tanya, company apa? Saya bilang, dairy industry. Saya jelasin dikit kalo companynya sort of jd middle person, buy the milk from farmers then sell it to business. Dan mulailah dia dari situ berceloteh. Katanya: taukah kamu kalo most of the milks now is not fresh milk? Company kamu masih beneran ambil real milk? Saya bilang, setau saya ya iya. Dia then bercerita, most of dairy products are not using real milk now. That Mc**n**ds milkshake, do you know the percentage of milk that they are using? It's zero! It's all chemical there. Udah gitu dia berceloteh ttg apa yg ada di dalam milk. Kata dia, di dlm susu tuh ada zat yang bisa membuat kita addicted. Di susu ibu pun ada tapi kadarnya tidak setinggi di susu sapi. Mungkin salah satu tujuan zatnya adalah untuk membuat sang anak tetep mau deket and kembali ke ibunya. Di susu sapi, kadar zat ini jauh lebih tinggi. Dan tentunya this is intended buat tuh anak sapi. Makanya harusnya manusia tidak minum susu sapi. And tidak makan dairy products. Contohnya cheese, bisa membuat anda ketagihan kan? Saya cuma bisa ngangguk-ngangguk karena malam itu saya sebenarnya uda gak bisa mikir lagi, udah mumet haha Dan saya memang suka cheese, jadi cuma bisa bilang: "oh really? wow no wonder i love cheese!" Dan dia tambah menggebu-gebu berceloteh. Sekarang dia tiba-tiba mengangkat botol salah satu soft drink (P*ps*). Dia mulai lagi, I drink this. I know this is not healthy. Kamu tau apa kandungannya? Chemical! Those diets products contain more sweetener. And sweetener itu jahat buat kamu karena salah satu kandungannya bisa membuat otak kamu berpikir kalo kamu belum kenyang. Itulah mengapa orang-orang Amerika gede-gede badannya. Karena mereka mengkonsumsi banyak chemical and sweetener and they think that they are hungry so they keep eating every couple hours! Kalo kamu ada internet di rumah, coba deh ketik additives 570 and 572. Kamu bisa baca-baca apa aja di dalamnya dan efek-efeknya. No wonder orang-orang jaman sekarang penyakitan. Gak cuma karena konsumsi in terms of makanan, tapi apa yang ada di kehidupan sehari-harinya tuh uda ga bener. Your mobile phone! Itu radiasinya gede. Bisa memancarkan cahaya yang mungkin seterang lampu ini (sambil nyalain lampu dalam taksi). No, I'm wrong, bisa lebih terang daripada ini. Bayangin, orang-orang telepon berjam-jam using their mobil, sama aja kayak otak kamu di xray terus-terusan, menimbulkan efek radiasi! Kamu tau kenapa orang-orang Jepang umur panjang dan badannya kecil-kecil? I answered, they eat healthy food, mainly fish. Dia jawab, bukan cuma itu. They eat in moderate portion. When they eat meat, they only eat in small tiny portion. Why? Karena jaman dulu, meat was very very expensive. That's why they eat more vegies and just small portion of meat. Dulu pas jaman menderita, daging mahal, mereka makannya begitu dan jadi terbawa jadi lifestyle. Coba kamu liat orang-orang cina, dulu badannya masi pada kecil-kecil. Sekarang mereka tambah kaya, tambah ikutin western/US style, mulai ancur pola makannya. Jadi gede-gede juga. Dan sampailah saya di jalan tempat tinggal saya. Wow that's quite full on information for around 15 minutes ride. I paid the fare, I thanked him for all the interesting infos, and i said to him: i'm going to google those food additives. He replied back: u know what's the most dangerous one? MSG, and you can find them a lot in Chinatown! I laughed and replied, yes I know that and totally agree! haha That's the end of our convo. Then I was thinking, is he probably a post graduate student in food chemistry? He surely is very passionate talking about food contents. 

Yang kedua, saya September lalu harus balik ke Jakarta and since my flight was quite early and I like to arrive early at airport, so I booked a taxi. Kali ini tentunya dia tau saya mau ke airport, cuma tanya international or domestic flights. Saya jawab, International. Mas Taxi yang ini mulainya berceloteh tentang how easy it is now to get a flight to anywhere. And with many competitions now, the price is getting cheaper. Saya bilang, iya kalo mau ke sydney, bisa compare 4 airlines sekaligus. Terus dia bilang, benernya bisa juga naik train. Kamu pernah gak naik train ke sydney? Dia cerita pas dulu dia masi muda pernah dengan randomnya pergi ke sydney only for a day. Lagi bosen sama temen-temennya then dia cek train to sydney eh masi ada tiket and since pas on the day apparently didiskon. Jadi mereka langsung beli then took overnight train to Sydney. Dia bilang kalau kamu rame-rame enakan naik train, get the experience. Saya jadi inget salah satu iklan di indo, "asiknya, rame-rame!"  hehehe then dia cerita lagi, sekarang kalo ke London juga banyak pilihan. Dulu katanya dia pernah 3 minggu ke London, 2 minggu pertama dia kerjaannya cuma naik bus tiap hari. Duduk yang di lantai atas and liat-liat. "I just want to feel it", katanya. Tiap hari, do the same thing. Naik double decker bus, duduk di atas, then keliling liatin jalan-jalannya, orang-orangnya, ingetin rute-rutenya. Then entah kenapa dari situ jadi ngebahas soal Permanent Residency. I guess gara-gara dia tanya saya kerja apa and dulu ambil belajarnya apa. Then kita jadi ngebahas tentang susahnya sekarang untuk dapet PR. Dia cerita salah satu kenalannya dulu pertama ambil hairdressing karena itu yg diadvertised sama education agentnya back in his hometown. Dia dari Pakistan. Then setelah kelar hairdressing ternyata pointnya belum cukup. Orang itu lalu lanjut ambil kuliah bisnis, sambil kerja part time di aged care gitu. Ternyata dia tertarik, jadinya dia ambil nursing. Lalu lanjut jadi dokter. Sekarang udah jadi dokter and making good money and tentunya uda PR even jadi citizen sini. Wow that's a really long way! Dia juga cerita kalo dia pernah anterin satu mahasiswi Cina. Anak itu kuliah biological engineering padahal dia gak suka. Tapi orang tuanya suruh dia ambil jurusan itu. Udah gitu tuh anak kerjaannya cuma kuliah dan kerja part time. Keliatan stress gitu. Jadinya mas taxinya nasehatin tuh anak, "cobalah spare some time for yourself. Go out on weekend. Find friends. You are still young, don't just study & work hard. Go and experience and have fun! Find a boyfriend!" Somehow saya jadi tertegur karena saya memang gak bergaul sejak tinggal di Melbourne. And jadinya ya kadang suka stress sendiri hehehe  Mungkin memang uda jalannya saya diketemukan sama tuh supir taksi supaya saya juga ditegur. Ditegur supaya lebih bergaul, supaya travelling a lot more and get experiences. Dan mungkin teguran utamanya: find a boyfriend! hehehehehehe lalu kita jadi ngebahas ttg makin banyaknya orang yg depressed. Dia cerita: dulu dia pernah jatuh cinta sama 1 cewe. Sama-sama orang Pakistan. Mereka uda deket banget and dia sayang banget ke cewe ini. Then ceritanya after lulus sekolah dia balik ke Pakistan for 2 weeks. Dia uda promised himself kalo dia mau "nembak" neh cewek pas dia balik ke Melbourne. Eh pas dia balik he couldn't find her. Pas dia tanya-tanya ke teman-teman mereka ternyata this girl had committed suicide. Penyebabnya adalah karena tiba-tiba cewek ini dikasi surat dari imigrasi kalo dia mesti keluar dari Australia. Cewek ini langsung stress banget then decided to commit suicide. Dia ya very upset and sedih. Selain karena it's the girl that he loved, dia juga nyesel kenapa segitu mudahnya wasting her life? Tentunya kalo mau diusahakan, akan ada jalannya. Dan dia bisa aja sponsorin cewe itu. Dia juga sempet ikutan down banget. But come on, it's just like wasting your life. His story reminded me about when I was depressed. Spring last year. Tentunya pikiran saya gak sependek itu. But thanks to his story, I was reminded not to waste my life! 


The third one, my last story as this post is getting longer than I thought. Sometimes last year  ada company dinner and since I stayed til late, I was thinking to just taking cab instead of tram. It was almost midnight around Crown Casino. My colleague and I decided to grab the cab from the hotel lobby. Mulainya tentunya obrolan yang standard: has it been busy today? etc. Then dia nebak whether saya dari Indonesia. He catched it from the accent. Is it that obvious? But he said I don't look like Indonesian. Nah lho? Then dia bilang he reckons dia pernah nganterin saya beberapa kali. Saya bilang, oh ya? Masa sih? Dia bilang, yes, you might not remember but I have good memory. Tentunya saya ga inget tapi saya almost ga pernah naik taxi gitu lho. Intinya ujung-ujungnya dia flirting! Ciah si mas, bisa aja lho! Malem-malem flirting! 

Mulai dari MSG to depression to flirting... I wonder what's next!

Autumn 2011

Postcards: LA

 

Yes I can't decide which one should I call the postcard from LA, so I upload these two pics. They look similar and yes they are in the same location. The first one shows you the real beauty queen of Hollywood. And the second one gives you a glimpse of city of angels.

Location: Hollywood Hills. Early January 2012, just couple hours before heading to airport for our flight back to Jakarta. 

Celoteh 8: up and down, and up, and down...

Mood swing is very annoying! I can be flying in the sky, and in one second I feel like I'm drowning into a deep sea. If u ask me what causes this, I also don't know. I'm blaming it to hormone imbalance (that's the closest thing that I can think of, judging from my situation). I realize that it's better when I'm surrounded with my friends as I'll try not to ruin their days by bringing them down.

I think with my feeling. That is one of my weaknesses I admit. Doesn't mean that I don't use my logic. I do use my logic (including when I'm thinking). It's just most of the time I naturally choose to follow my feeling. And being in this situation, this really is not helpful. This has been happening for about a month now. I feel uneasy. I feel that I have to make peace to myself. It's just like unconsciously I'm stressed out, but being unconscious, I don't know what are the reasons.

I'm so tired with my mood swing. But I've been better since Wednesday though. On Friday morning, I searched on google: mood lifters. There were some suggestions that were quite common like relaxing, hang out with closed friends, chocolate, etc. And I did put some efforts that day, like trying to smile all the time, trying to hear to some cheerful songs, trying to really put my focus on my work, and they did help. But of course my mood swing has  not gone yet. It's not that easy. However, I promise myself, I'm going to conquer this mood swing. I'll do better tomorrow than today. I'll do better every day.

My memory of you

One white cuddly cheerful poodle, a bundle of joy. Thank you for accompanying our family for the past 10 years and 10 days. You were there, witnessing our ups and downs. Cheer us up whenever we were sad. And you comforted us with your smile and wagging tails.

Thanks for taking care of my mom when I couldn't be there on her side. Thanks for putting smiles on my dad face every morning. 

Thanks for hugging me tight whenever I came home.

I am surely going to miss you. When I come home this Christmas, I won't be able to see you. 

But I know that you are in better place now. Now you don't have to be afraid when it's raining hard outside, and the lights and the thunders won't frighten you.

Hope you enjoyed spending your time with us. And now may your soul rest in peace.

Dearest Ogel, you'll be forever in our hearts.

RIP 21 November 2011

I wish I could cry and weep

I wish I could cry and weep
And all those tears can wash away the pains
Those pains that I don't understand
Those pains that I can not describe

I wish I could cry and weep
but even the pain is holding me back
It is too strong that I can not rip out
It is too strong that I can hardly move

I wish I could cry and weep
until my body swings back and forth
until I get myself tired

so I can finally be asleep

dear Lord

I seek comfort from You, o God.
My soul is thirsty for You.
Though one might see my smiles and my tears,
only You who know my heart.

Please give me Your peace and Your wisdom, o Lord,
in my heart and in my mind.
I can't live my life without You, o Lord.
You are my strength, You are my light.

I seek comfort from You, o God.
Hear my soul whispering to you, dear Lord.

-MK-

Easy Tiger

Fried Pork Ribs with Red Chili Vinegar

Ma Hor

Betel Leaf

Duck and Watermelon salad

Steamed Snapper

Girls nite out - 281011

A friend of mine chose this place for our catch up dinner. Booked a table for 4 but sadly one of our friends had to stay back in the office hence couldn't join us for dinner. The place looks pretty small but they actually have a courtyard seating. We sat inside in a communal table (they have 2 communal tables and some tables for 2 inside, plus one circle table with sofa). I like the atmosphere, it's small, simple, cozy with modern influence. And if you take a peek, their courtyard seating looks cozy too with friendly atmosphere. Would be nice to have dinner in the courtyard on one summer night.

Service is excellent, the waiters & waitresses are all charming and helpful. We decided to order 2 entrees and 3 mains. The Ma hor is SUPER YUMMM!!!! The flavors burst in your mouth beautifully! You have to eat it as a whole. And it has nice after taste too! Super recommended! Second entree is the betel leaf with prawn, peanuts and fresh coconuts. It tastes nice but a bit too strong for me personally (yes even for my Asian taste, I guess a bit too much lemon and fish sauce). Still, is nice tho! 

As for the mains, I like the duck and watermelon salad. It has nice combination and the watermelon kind of cleanse your mouth. The fried pork ribs is a bit too dry for me, but the red chili vinegar helps to add the flavor hence it doesn't taste too meaty. As for the steamed snapper, we were a bit disappointed as we thought it would be a steamed snapper fillet with a bit of coconut sauce. But as you can see from the picture, it looks like a bowl of snapper curry! As for the price, I guess it is fair as the menu is quite different and it's Asian fusion. If you are fancying fancy Asian cuisine, you must give it a try!

Their website: http://www.easytiger.co/